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Kristin Pearl Buchowiecki

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[03 Oct 2004|02:16am]
Yeah so I just have to say again how amazing our creator is. He uses us all in so many ways that we don't even realize and then when He brings them to our attention that we are being used in that way and have been for a long time, we reply with total awe. I love Him so much and am so excited and honored that I can be doing even the smallest amount of His work on this earth. Unfortunately it takes me getting deployed for a long time to finally get my butt moving, but hey, whatever it takes to move me, make it happen. I'm so filled up with thoughts that they're too crammed to even pour out. Praise you Father.
5 comments|post comment

[02 Aug 2004|10:58pm]
[ mood | determined ]

OK so in reference to setting me heart on things above and not on things or people of this world... as much as I love giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and trusting them time and time again after they've let me down, especially those who are not saved, I actually shouldn't put my trust in them at all. God is the only one I can 100% trust. And really I'm not justifying anyone actions, but we are human, and humanity overflows with wicked deeds and deceit. So Im only fooling myself if I think no one would look me straight in the eye and tell me a bold face lie. I most likely do it to God everyday when I'm not giving up something I know I should. I just feel for people who live their lives in deceit. It may be fun on the surface, but they cant have any realtionships with any depth if no one even knows who they truly are. Everytime I seem experience humanity at its nastiest it reminds me how I act towards Jesus and I, in a way, am in His shoes for a moment. And He doesnt even deserve it in the slightest!

I had a chance to talk to Kris tonight, which was really awesome. I really miss talking to her and hanging out like we used to...I'm glad we were able to tonight even though it was for a short time.

Lately I've been feeling really reclusive which is completely abnormal for me. I cant decipher whether it's God telling me to stay home and meditate on Him, or whether it's satan trying to make it look that way and keep me away from being there for my friends who need me. Distractions have been coming in an overflow lately...pretty hard to keep my concentration on things. I know it's totally spiritual attack, but I also know Jesus has my back and there's no way those demons are going to win.

Anyways, to wrap things up...I love all of you and if anyone needs any prayer for anything or just wants to hang out and talk make sure you call me. If you dont have my number, leave me a message and I'll give it to you. Again, I love you and I prayGod's doing awesome things in all of your lives. Live it for Him and try to set your heart on things above and forget about the fears of this fleeting material world.

peace and love from above.

"Be very careful, then, how you live. Not as unwise, but at wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." -Ephesians 5:15-16

4 comments|post comment

[29 Jul 2004|04:28am]
[ mood | numb ]

I want to write something beneficial to everyone here...then i just opened my Bible and the title "What Christians should do" popped up and this followed:
"Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, apperas, then you will also appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips." Colossians 3:1-8

I want to write more about this but I was on myspace too long and now I wont be able to get up as early as i told kylene i was going to. I really need tp put into practice, "setting my heart on things above" instead of other people. I miss the fire.

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[16 Jun 2004|12:57pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

How to make a soooobrutal

3 parts mercy

3 parts crazyiness

1 part beauty
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little emotion if desired!
2 comments|post comment

decided to share a few old writings of mine... [06 Jun 2004|02:06pm]
[ mood | artistic ]


Your love never dims, your light never fades
I'm always in your sweet embrace
You're never gone, You're always here
right beside me
You lift me up when times are hard
You fill my cup and my soul's recharged
but it's hard to mend
when my souls' blackened
by the sin im enslaved by
Please wash me clean, shine away the dark
release these chains around my heart
around my soul
that the devil wont hold
because its enveloped by the Holy One
temptaion will come and smack my face
but i'll pull through with Your love and grace
no more sorrow, no more fear, no eternal agony
You've paid the price, You've shed your blood
It's all inside Your written Word
"Believe in me, I'll set you free
my child, my beloved children."
Amazing how I've come this far
always in contact with my maker
and He speaks to me, spiritually
which lets me know that im his loved one
I'll seek Your face till the day i die
and when i arise into the sky
I know I'll be
much more happy
because I'm with the Risen one
My Righteous Mighty King
my El Shaddai.


I'm perched at this spot where I try to find the words
delectable enough to keep your attention
I am poised by destruction
I'm relentless as a savage
I am half way to here
and far away from there
I don't know where I'm going
I don't know where You'll take me
I am flying off this ride
that your cruise control was set on
my shadiness exposed
and my eyes are wide and open
I am no longer a favorite
all my ties, they have dissolved
Amidst all this chaos, I know who I can turn to
There is peace in this traffic of colliding emotions.
I am calm in knowing His love keeps me here
He humbles me with his kindness, patience, and strength
He is what preserves the little reminance of purity
In Him all faith and hope can rest assured
will you listen to me now
will you hear the words im saying
Do you know what a Beauty, what a Lover, what a Friend
that can pick us up from the dirt again and again
All of my heart is overtaken with the joy I'm possesed by
Because in one God I will always depend
now youve heard, breath it in
the choice is all your own.


the miraculous love of God is a feeling always so intese
the immaculate beauty of His name bares tears of joy to my eyes
my happiest times are when im immersed in his presence
this peace I feel, i know will never subside
God's mercy, God's grace is what keeps my candle lit
In this horrific world full of hate and darkness
in awe i remain of his omniscient being
just the thought of rejoicing with Him eternally
brings a hope this heart has never seen
such a hope, such an amazing gift
anyone person can obtain
if they just humble themselves, have faith and remain
under the wing of our Lord, our El Shaddai

For You I live, my Father

I love you.

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hmmmm.....Kosovo... [08 May 2004|06:06am]
well of course we all knew that while we were in Germany they were going to tell us we were going to be deploying somewhere. Last night was the official notification of us being deployed to kosovo for a peace keeping mission in Oct that will last 18 months. Yeah, kinda excited yet kinda not. I want my band to come with me. God is so amazing, He always works everything out to be the best so Im not worried at all...just contemplative. I love all of you and cant wait to come home. God bless and stay strong <3<3
4 comments|post comment

du bist glucklich? [07 May 2004|09:07am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

HA i get butterflies just thinking about hellfest again. yay for them posting the line up..thanks blake.

2 comments|post comment

[04 May 2004|12:50am]
[ mood | hungry ]

K so, Im 20 now..wooooo weeee. Had my b day april 5th, it was pretty cool i guess. then there was mexico which was waaaay awesome. Chelsea went with me and we had a blast. Hopefully we'll all be going for memorial day when i come home.

Im workin a 14 hour shift right now in Germany..we got a little break so Im being a nerd and updating this shiz. I dont get off until 6 in the am...yeah man, I think i do better on mids (equal to graveyard i guess). I dont really think im a morning person at all.

But yeah holy crap, germany is so beautiful...thats all i can find myself saying. Like the other day i had a day off (this is going to sound really freagin cheesey but oh well) and i was sitting in the train looking through the window at all the untouched beauty of the land here and like i seriously had tears in my eyes haha im sooo lame, but i did!! Like, God seriously has blessed us with this beautiful earth that we just take advantage of and ruin. yes thats my hippie tree hugger talk coming out. plus i think it doesnt help if im listening to beautiful music as well, all that beauty im just not used to i guess. The buildings here are so awesome too. We went to this church in nurnburg and the stained glass was just immaculent. I got a few post cards of it because we werent aloud to take pictures, hopefully i can get the rest of my arm finished with something similar to the post cards. In about a week i'll be able to go to munich which should be awesome.

I love my brother

oh man and talk about a small world...first, when i was flying to germany for this mission, i had remembered that my first sergeant from basic (he's stinkin an evil version of popeye with a much louder voice) told us that after our cycle he was going to be stationed in germany, but i thought to myself, there is a high probability that he wont be at graf because there are like over 10 places at the least where he could be...our unit alone was getting placed in three differnt stations. So, i didnt really think about it too much after that. Then im driving the TMP on the main post and who do i see? Freagin popeye!! yeah im not sure if he remembered me, but i think he did. oh man, it scurred me. so then, today i had this dude that was patrolling with me that is in the 615th mp co which are stationed here. He happens to be from riverside, is cousins with a friend of mine from high school, and is really good friends with one of my ex boyfriends..how freagin wierd is that?!? he was kinda mean during the end of the shift though, but oh well. He was prolly just cranky and tired. speaking about that, man people are getting on my butt 'cause im not being professional enough. My paperwork is awesome, but I guess i talk too much and am too happy, or something like that. They said "we are the military police, we have to maintain our military bearing and be professional during all work hours" professional? what constitutes as professional? being straight-faced mean poop? all i know is that i dont think i would like this whole deal for my career. The other people are rad though. Oh man!!! and the germans!!! I LOVE THEM!!!! they are the coolest people ever!! they dress so cute too. I need to find me a cute little german boy, have him teach me how to speak German, then I'll be set for life.

whoa my stomache is growling like crazy, i think my partner thinks im farting hahaha. I want some chips..mmmm. One more night of mids then i have me a day off to sleep. After that day i switch to days. should be interesting.

God is doing some serious teaching to me here. It's awesome i love it. I mean i dont like the fact that i screw up but he's melting me down just to mold me to something even more wonderful..im excited. He's the coolest. I stinkin love all of you and im praying for you all back at home. Stay strong.

job 19:21

8 comments|post comment

[23 Feb 2004|12:48pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

oh wow, i was just reading my post on saturday and that strange "feeling" i had saturday night..the "tugging on my heart" i might know what it is now...oh man...man im a retard, ok im ADD extreme today because of the no sleep factor.

5 comments|post comment

[23 Feb 2004|12:31pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Dude man...God's throwing me a curve ball..but I think it's a good curve ball because I'm not scared. He's in the center this time, I dont know what's gonna come out of it but none of that matters right now because as long as I'm following Him, all is well.

I didnt sleep last night...and I had 2 hours of sleep the night before..yeaaah I'm a machine!

God, have I told you lately that I love you??

This is great, I love my cats, I love my brother and most of all I am overflowing with love for my gracious Maker.

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[21 Feb 2004|04:00pm]
[ mood | amused ]

http://hometown.aol.com/spiu4me/ look at this crazy stuff.

spiu4me: where u at today
spiu4me: if your looking up my pic.....it sucks!!!
spiu4me: hello...u there
Xsooobrutalx: you're pretty creepy.
spiu4me: what??? because i own a enterainment agency
Xsooobrutalx: no because youre 32 and still talking to me even though im 19. Plus your web page says nothing but how much you like breasts
Xsooobrutalx: at least you used the PC term instead of "tits"
spiu4me: at least im straight....put your age on your web page...have a nive night

3 comments|post comment

some sweet action [21 Feb 2004|02:04pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

It's always interesting when OBW are around. Freagin johnny was sleep walking last night and talking about eating oats in his sleep. crazy kid, but he was the sweetest guy. It was awesome meeting eric too. we had an awesome talk about music theory, taoism,christianity and all that good stuff..im excited for them to come back again with bury your dead and the red chord!! in april, but just not excited to clean up after their messy booties. Johnny's amazing pancakes almost made up for cleaning up after them, but not quite. At least they didnt kill one of my cats this time :( I seriously prayed so hard that God would give me strength in just being a loving example to them, but it's hard with jonathan because when he acts all cocky i always wanna act cocky back and call him names hahaha. It's really distracting with all of them, thats why its good that they only stayed for 2 days and not the whole week. But all in all we had a good time and I'm gladd Johnny stayed with us for one night of it,he's so amusing.

Last night was a good show, OBW should have headlined so the kids wouldnt have left, but oh well. the shattered realm guys seemed like the funniest people..the drummer has this beautiful tattoo on his thigh that has this immaculate color..i seriously got so excited when i saw it.

I also saw a lot of wonderful faces that I havent seen in a while. It was kinda like a hellfest reunion. Last hellfest when the whole chris thing went down, I met bailey and he was so awesome. He was hanging out and talking with me the whole night, it was great. Granted I dont know him that well, but I can just tell he's definately a genuine dude. Then hellfest 2001-03 we were always hanging out with the remembering never duders and of course we saw Pete and Danny last night which was awesome as well. I kinda thought Danny wouldnt remember me 'cause everytime he walked by he looked all pissed off and didnt say anything, so I was kinda bummed. But then after the show I just was like,"what the heck I'm gonna say hi" so I did and he's like "duuude!! it's sooo good to see you" and it turned out he was just super pissed because their bassist just bailed out on them that night. So now they have to try and teach Wheeler all the songs before tonight. Then he told me that I brightened up his night...he's so sweet. He's probably number one hugger right now. Best hugs ever. oh yeah! and then Joe too,(though that was FF) even though I didnt really get to talk to him, which sucked, but at least I got to see him and have a little small talk. I always feel weird talking about bands in this thing..it looks like im some name dropper or something..but i dunno i wanna write down all these good memories before they escape my mind, like everything else does so quickly. But overall it was really good seeing everyone. It was a good night. I love meeting all these new people too, it's great.

Greg took me to this Wednesday night Bible study in Redlands 2 wednesdays ago. It's such an amazing thing, I love it. And that too, I met a lot of new people. Most of them I've seen at shows a lot, but never really talked to 'em. Definately cool people. I saw Daniel and Joe from there at the show last night just hanging out. Good deal.

I cant wait for card night this week. Im not sure what day though, but it definately needs to happen. It should be potluck/card night. Yes, then i dont have to buy food with the money that i dont have ha. It's weird like I'm happy with everything and excited 'cause I got to see friends from far away lands, but something feels like...missing? I dont know it feels kinda incomplete. I cant exactly pinpoint it. Or maybe something is going to happen tonight. God's pulling on my heart for something and I dont know what it is. I'm going to pray about it..that's the only way to solve this. I should be praying more..like keeping that constant line with God throughout the day..thats when things feel complete because i take back seat and let him drive me the places i need to go.

I freagin miss talking to Blake. I have this fear that he is just going to stop talking to me all together and not even wanna be my friend 'cause he's like through with me or something. I dont want our friendship to be different at all..I hope he doesnt want that too. Jessica and I were talking in the car the other day about how we wish that our hormones would be dormant until it was the right time to meet our husbands. That would seriously take away a lot of bad things that happen...but I guess we need the bad things to help our character grow and learn. I dunno...God knows way more than I ever can, so I'm just trying my hardest to listen to Him and do what He wills. Pretty difficult though.

Well, Cha Cha is coming over now so i must go...i love you all very very much. God bless yas.

peace and love from above

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[13 Feb 2004|04:47pm]
[ mood | touched ]

Yeah so, finally I'm not putting God on the back burner for this issue. It's the hardest blow to take, but I shouldnt have let it go on this far. It sucks because i wish it only affected me..but it doesn't. I wish i could apologize for allowing everything to flourish even more, but i know the answer will remain being "no regrets." All stinkin day ive just wanted to pick up the phone, but there's no healing if i keep irritating the wound. well not really wound, haha why the crap am i typing all metephorically..im lame. Anyways, i really hope he knows and understands just how much i care for him. haha i wish God could have waited until AFTER valentines day to give me the good shove in the right direction. jk jk of course. In God's time...everything is on his clock not mine. Things are going to be amazing between us, i know it..we just have to keep God in the center of everything and the path that we go will be directed by Him. Thats all..simple as that. He's not leaving my head for anything though; that is another very difficult part, but I have the great Healer on my side so i know He'll help me through it...and He'll help him too. yeah so, i mailed my amazing spectacular package today. I was proud of myself after i looked at it, i think i should be a professional _______ maker. yeah dude, that would rock.

So im extatic that brother bear is back, even though jonatron is hogging him. Its been awesome to have him here to talk to and just to love. Thank you Jesus. OH!!! i was looking through the internet on the whole evolution and creationism thing and i found out all this amazing stuff and all these amazing sites! like i didnt want to just go to Christian sites to read aboiut it because, of course, they will have their bias views, so i looked for sites of the people who really believed in evolution and yeah. It was cool.

K yeah nothing really of utter importance that i can really think of right now. Happy love day to everyone and i send out all my love to you all.

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[01 Feb 2004|09:02pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

HI! K here's a little update...

Went to Chicago/Michigan for a month. During the time i was gone my brother was attacked in a convoy and was sent home, veronica and kris' deployment was over and they came home as well, and I spent a lot of money.

Ian is ok, he just got some shrapnol (sp?) in his booty, thigh, and neck and now he gets a purple heart. Freagin crazy. Hes a dang tough cookie if you ask me. Kris and Vern are actually in sacramento right now and prolly wont be home till tues, but im gonna freagin jump for joy when i see those beautiful girls.

So chicago wwas really fun, super cold, but fun. Michigan was better though. Like hanging out with Blake was so freagin amazing..a little too amazing for our own good at times. It snowed like 10 inches in one day which led to some sweet sledding. He lives in east lansing which is a pretty cool little town. OH! And i got a new tattoo there from sean peters..his work makes me so happy.

Coming home kinda sucked. I dont know if I'm just in a weird mood or whatnot, but like a few days before i left to come back home, my dad told me that i was going to have to move out of papa's house in a short period of time because papa wants to hire a caretaker to live with him. This would be all fine and well if the timing was a little better. I mean I have hardly any money left since my little vacation cleaned me out, I have no job now because starbucks is just not cool, and Im having a hard time getting things settled in because im going to have to leave for another month in april to go to germany on a deployment. But who ever said life has good timing? Ive kinda strayed from God, and Im totally trying to handle everything my way which is the most idiotic thing i can do especially since i know how much He has helped me in the past with issues such as these. Things are distracting me way too much. the worst tihng is that i cant really even pinpoint them, but im not worried about it because i know that even when i am a butthead to Him , He never lets go.

Katie and I went to look for appartments today, but i dont really think im in the position to be obligated to any payment. I dunno, God will provide if thats' in His will. It seems pretty coinsidental that katie's appartment almost burned down right when im getting kicked out, soooo i dunno. Sometimes i wish i could have just stayed in michigan just so i wouldnt have to worry about all this stuff, but that would be stupid because i would just be avoiding everything and not dealing with it. The sooner things are dealt with, the sooner i can move on.

"Now my heart i troubled and what shall i say? 'Father save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. FATHER, GLORIFY YOUR NAME!" John 12:27-28

Its such a relief that ian is finally home. Man i missed my brother way too much. I really feel the ramblage taking over and i feel an inside zit coming in on my cheek. So dear friends i love you all and ive missed you all insanely much. call me whenever you want to, id love to hear your beautiful voices.

peace and love from above


8 comments|post comment

[13 Sep 2003|06:14am]
well, i dont know whats going to happen, i love carlos more than anything, i love him like i love a brother, but i think i need to let go. Like allow him to pursue john g with everything he is because that is obvioulsy God's will for him right now..I cant be selfish because I want the band to stay together, and I want to try and spread a multi layered message..those are my wants and probably some of the rest of the band's but it's not our time right now. I thank God for working so mysteriously and having things work out to where i actually to stop for a second and listen and think. He is omniscient and doestn have that title for nothing..i had a lot of fun hanging out tonight with the people that im growing to love more and more each day. Its cool. Im so blessed beyond belief.
3 comments|post comment

im feelin the grove [13 Sep 2003|05:36am]
[ mood | determined ]

Xsooobrutalx: why are you up??
xCallToArmsx: why are YOU up??
Xsooobrutalx: because i just got home
xCallToArmsx: me too
Xsooobrutalx: !!!
Xsooobrutalx: but its 8:00am there!
Xsooobrutalx: thats late young man
Xsooobrutalx: oh wait
Xsooobrutalx: you were working
Xsooobrutalx: eff!
Xsooobrutalx: i was suppose to call you!
xCallToArmsx: yes ma'am
xCallToArmsx: :(
Xsooobrutalx: crap!
Xsooobrutalx: dang it
Xsooobrutalx: ah man, blake im so sorry
xCallToArmsx: its no big deal dear
xCallToArmsx: work actually went by pretty fast
Xsooobrutalx: good, im glad to hear it
Xsooobrutalx: makes me feel better haha
xCallToArmsx: although i was clinging to the hope that i would recieve a certain phone call... but alas... it never came..
Xsooobrutalx: haha why must you torture me
xCallToArmsx: cause i'm tired, and i need something to do
xCallToArmsx: what did you do all night, beside NOT calling your so-called "friends"?
Xsooobrutalx: haha
Xsooobrutalx: well i went to the shpw
Xsooobrutalx: then
Xsooobrutalx: we were hanging out at in and out
Xsooobrutalx: then we went to my friend shouse and watched a movie
Xsooobrutalx: good times were had...but i still kinda feel weird
xCallToArmsx: how was the show?
Xsooobrutalx: it was pretty good
xCallToArmsx: weird?
Xsooobrutalx: but there's this crew down here that everytime they come to a show there are fights, i thought we were cleared because they hadnt been there the whole night
Xsooobrutalx: then right when norma jean was about to play, of course there they are
Xsooobrutalx: and of course
xCallToArmsx: thats dumb
Xsooobrutalx: a fight started
xCallToArmsx: we've got some douches like that here too
xCallToArmsx: that's so lame
Xsooobrutalx: yeah, i think thats why i feel weird everytime i come home from a show lately
Xsooobrutalx: i feel cheated
Xsooobrutalx: like
Xsooobrutalx: i know im gonna totally sound lame right now
Xsooobrutalx: but this is really how i feel
xCallToArmsx: yah, you're probably right.. but i wont make fun of you for it :-P
Xsooobrutalx: i fell in love with hardcore first because its awesome music, but secondly because of the fact that everyone was so unified and realized we all came to the shows for a common reason
Xsooobrutalx: we all have at least one thing in common
Xsooobrutalx: and thats being into whatever band is playing
Xsooobrutalx: and, like just little things i see
Xsooobrutalx: like not picking someone up when they fall
Xsooobrutalx: or not tryin to help a person out when they tie their shoe
Xsooobrutalx: like the whole scene used to be saturated with "brotherly love" so to say
Xsooobrutalx: and now
Xsooobrutalx: its all just diluted
Xsooobrutalx: and
xCallToArmsx: or going around with everyone and punching kids wearing good charolette shirts in the face...
Xsooobrutalx: not really serving its purpose anymore
Xsooobrutalx: that too
xCallToArmsx: just kidding
Xsooobrutalx: haha yeah
xCallToArmsx: no, i know exactly what you mean
Xsooobrutalx: i dunno, like this shouldnt be affectiung me as much as it really is
xCallToArmsx: i really couldn't have put it better actually
xCallToArmsx: well.. actually it should be
xCallToArmsx: i mean, its YOUR scene just as much as it is anyone elses
Xsooobrutalx: yeah, its all of our scene
Xsooobrutalx: and the stinkin kids who view themselves to be so elite
Xsooobrutalx: just because theyve been in the scene for x amount of years
Xsooobrutalx: and know x amount of bands
xCallToArmsx: i mean, your right, it was always supposed to be about unity and love and stuff.. because hxc was supposed to be a common factor amoung the kids who were exiled from other cliches..
Xsooobrutalx: they think that gives them the right to act like a complete jerk and belittle anyone who isnt "cool" or who they dont know
Xsooobrutalx: exactly
Xsooobrutalx: and i feel like a sitting duck
Xsooobrutalx: like i know what i want to say
xCallToArmsx: however, once it started to get popular.. more kids who didnt know the ropes and stuff started coming in.. and then the whole social structure started inside of what was never supposed to be about classes and sttuff
Xsooobrutalx: and i wanna say it to anyone in this scene that i can...but i dont have the means to do it
Xsooobrutalx: thats true
Xsooobrutalx: and thats what happens to things when the masses start to feed into it
Xsooobrutalx: with anything
Xsooobrutalx: with philosophies, music, anything
xCallToArmsx: unfortunately its human nature
Xsooobrutalx: it gets watered down to draw even more people in it so it isnt so "radical"
Xsooobrutalx: yeah, but i wont accept that
xCallToArmsx: i know exactly what you're talking about, and its funny you bring this up because i was just talking about it a couple days ago
xCallToArmsx: i was talking to two friends about our convo about the whole sxe thing, and people neglecting the whole "sex" part of it.. and since we're all going to be in a band together, we really want to start educating people about it and what it really is
xCallToArmsx: and then we started to talk about things like this.. just like violence and all the crap.. and someone has to speak out against it
xCallToArmsx: or at least bring it to peoples attention
Xsooobrutalx: yes most def
Xsooobrutalx: and thats the thing
Xsooobrutalx: the only way to effectively do it
Xsooobrutalx: is through the source
xCallToArmsx: unfortunately, no one listens anymore... they've all heard it before.. and they wont listen unless you have something of value to them, or you're someone they look up to
Xsooobrutalx: which would be a band
Xsooobrutalx: well
Xsooobrutalx: k see my band, our guitarist is gone now and my singer seems to be conmtent with his new band, even though he swears to me he's not
Xsooobrutalx: so im kinda lost as far as that goes
Xsooobrutalx: and this may sound pretty lame
Xsooobrutalx: but since im a chick and if i were to speak out while we were playing shows
Xsooobrutalx: and say it in a way that would grab their attention
Xsooobrutalx: i think kids would listen
Xsooobrutalx: granted i may be wrong
Xsooobrutalx: but when we played shows before
xCallToArmsx: oh no, you're totally right
Xsooobrutalx: they're undivided attention was paid to us
Xsooobrutalx: their
xCallToArmsx: if there's a hot girl playing in a band, or something like that.. guys will definately pay attention
Xsooobrutalx: well like im not even hot, its just that im a chick
Xsooobrutalx: who plays an instrument
Xsooobrutalx: so they listen i guess
Xsooobrutalx: i dont get it, but it works for me
xCallToArmsx: and if you, being a hot girl, were to get up there and start talking about stuff, i think you'd at least break through a little bit of their hard headed shell
xCallToArmsx: i mean, i see stuff like that happen all too much with stephanie at shows and stuff
Xsooobrutalx: i want to use everything i have to get them to at least listen
Xsooobrutalx: yeah seriously huh
xCallToArmsx: unfortunately most guys have the wrong agenda on their mind, if you know what i mean
Xsooobrutalx: yeah
xCallToArmsx: i dont know.. it's a tricky situation
xCallToArmsx: i think it's really awesome that you're aware of stuff like this though, and have the motivation to want to do something
Xsooobrutalx: but blake, like i really dont understand why
xCallToArmsx: i mean, just trying anything, is better than doing nothing
xCallToArmsx: why kids are like this now?
Xsooobrutalx: like, its to the point where all i think about is how it needs to cahnge sometimes..like i think maybe God is calling me to do something
Xsooobrutalx: no like why im so bothered by it
Xsooobrutalx: its nothin of my own
xCallToArmsx: you're bothered by it because it's something that's not supposed to be this way
Xsooobrutalx: or, man i dont know
Xsooobrutalx: yeah
xCallToArmsx: i mean, even if you were new to everything, and you saw some of the crap that's going on.. you'd know that that isn't really the way it is
Xsooobrutalx: well if i was new to it, i wouldnt knwo the difference
Xsooobrutalx: thats another problem
Xsooobrutalx: like the new kids come
Xsooobrutalx: sand see this
Xsooobrutalx: then they think thats the norm
xCallToArmsx: but everybody just lets things slide.. i mean its easier that way.. or at least it makes for a good/funny story or something
xCallToArmsx: but that never makes it right
Xsooobrutalx: so it concieves even more violence because thats all they associate hxc shows with
Xsooobrutalx: a way to get out aggressions
Xsooobrutalx: yeah
xCallToArmsx: well, to an extent it is..
Xsooobrutalx: yeah but like
Xsooobrutalx: let me specify
xCallToArmsx: people take things to teh extreme these days
xCallToArmsx: go ahead..
Xsooobrutalx: they think that maintaining a tough guy appearance and attitude is the only way to gain respect in this scene
Xsooobrutalx: and tough guys will be the first to fight for whatever they think they need to
Xsooobrutalx: say, for instance, getting kicked in the pit
Xsooobrutalx: though EVERYONE gets kicked and what makes them so special, i know not
Xsooobrutalx: but they feel they must ..crap i dont know the word im looking for
Xsooobrutalx: prove themselves or something
xCallToArmsx: yeah
Xsooobrutalx: but yeah its just not hxc in its purest and best state
Xsooobrutalx: its commercialized, abused, and perverted to say the least
xCallToArmsx: i couldn't agree with you more
xCallToArmsx: that's the thing though... 99% of these kids these days.. ARE NOT HARDCORE!!
xCallToArmsx: they jsut listen to the music
Xsooobrutalx: that is somewhat true
xCallToArmsx: there's so much more to something like hardcore music than just listening to it
Xsooobrutalx: seriously
xCallToArmsx: if it were just meant to be listened to, it'd be all over the radio.. top 40 hxc stations and stuff
xCallToArmsx: but it doesnt work that way
xCallToArmsx: basically.. most of these kids are just asses... plain and simple
Xsooobrutalx: well, but some not by their fault
Xsooobrutalx: thats what they think hardcore is
Xsooobrutalx: because thats all theyve been exposed to
xCallToArmsx: i mean, even some of my best friends, the "toughest" guys, whatever.. they're all guilty of it too
Xsooobrutalx: i guess you can say they are at fault for not looking into and looking beyond whats laid in front of their face
Xsooobrutalx: but not many people do that anyways
xCallToArmsx: and i can say that i'm no where near being as hardcore as i should be
xCallToArmsx: exactly
Xsooobrutalx: yeah
Xsooobrutalx: i think the element that is missing here
Xsooobrutalx: is just being humble
xCallToArmsx: they're all about going out and having fun, which is great.. but it's always at someone elses expense.. or they're just showing off
xCallToArmsx: oh totally
Xsooobrutalx: yeah
xCallToArmsx: dude, in that book (i'm glad you said that, because i was thinking about this tonight!!)..
Xsooobrutalx: and a lot of times they dont realize it
xCallToArmsx: there's a part about stuff like this kinda.. and he says one of the most brilliant things..
xCallToArmsx: "you must produce, before you consume"

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[05 Sep 2003|01:42am]
[ mood | rejuvenated ]

K another self analyzation:

Big brother gone = me trying to fill the void im feeling with his absense with relationships with boys i know i wouldnt want to marry.

My philosophy on dating = why waste time with a guy just because i think hes cute and fun at the time but know i can never spend the rest of my life with him? some people argue that "just kissing" people that you arent dating is harmless and innocent, which in their case it may be, but for me there is no need for it. It may release some hormones or whatever but like it just causes more unwanted problems and/or awkwardness.

My brother and I are best friends. I dont really get along with my dad that well so Ian is the only male in my life that i really have a strong relationship with. I mean i have close guy friends that i freagin love to death, but since ian's my blood i think thats why i feel like something's missing when hes not here. He's always been in my life, he's been through everything with me and this is the first time hes been taken away from me. It does suck the big one. I know God is totally teaching me with this. He's teaching me restraint, and also to not depend on other people. But I also know that God meant for us to be so close and i know He doesnt think its bad that im feeling this way, its the common response, but its the way im dealing with it. Like i feel like every guy that i meet that is attractive and nice, im automatically feeling like i wanna spend all my time with them. Thats lame..i just want friends, but its hard. Who said life is easy? I am so freagin blessed though, i mean i dont mean to sound like im whining but i feel if i write this down it may help me out a little. I cant really talk to too many people about it, 'cause frankly they dont really care. Not like its a fault on them, but like who wants to listen to me blab about how much i miss my brother? so i dont wanna weigh anyone down. typing all this out is kidna helping. I just finished talking to tina. Its so wierd how God works. He lifts me up just from saying a few words to her on the dang computer. I think its a news flash that i NEED my accountability partners that i do not have at this moment. And i believe that is a major part in why im slackin. Man God is so great though. He just fills me with so much love and just blesses me with peace when i start to freak out. I dont deserve any of it, thats why He's known for His grace. He'll continue to amazingly bless us no matter how much we hurt Him in sin. Major cool dude He is. Yes, this is true. I just need to continue to pray that i dont wanna date every cool dude i meet and that i just strictly view them as the friends that they are meant to be.

Aww but brother, i still miss you :(

and veronica and kris...dang i often wish i was right there with them, i feel guilty for being here, but it was God's will so i cant think like that. Plus Papa...man papa. He's mentally going fast. *reminder* EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A PURPOSE AND IS IN GOD'S WILL. its going to work out beautifully. im looking at my arm, and hi! look what it says "why are you downcast oh my soul, why so disturbed with in me. put your hope in God for i will yet praise Him, my Saviour and my God"!!

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[28 Jun 2003|10:01pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Your time is the most valuable, prescious gift you could give someone.

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[20 Jun 2003|11:09pm]
[ mood | thankful ]

My God,
Sweet lover of my soul, please forgive me. Forgive me of my sins Jesus, while i was blinded by my own self indulgences my mom was falling away right before my own eyes. The devil WILL not win. This is war. Father please, dont let him get her. Please God. My Saviour. In Jesus' name place a hedge of protection around herLord, my God, my Jesus please. Oh my sweet Father. You are so beautiful. It was you who detected those demons, it was you who drove them away. Dont allow them in my dwelling place sweet Lord. Please God, please I want your pure, righteous, holy spirit with me here God, I feel alone. I need a guide Father. I know all i need is you but you also say that i need a mentor, or someone more mature in the spirit to help me through life. Lord my God, please reveal that person to me. The poo is about to hit the fan and i know i must be prepared, armor me up God. Prepare me for battle. Im ready to fight these demons and send them back to where they belong, kicking and screaming and horrified the whole way back. your work in me is ever growing and i feel it Lord. I feel you here right by myside. Your sweet caress brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. Lord, oh sweet Lord, I love you. Hear me now. Im sorry for my sins God, perfect me, purify me. Im ready to do Your will. Sweet Lord, my God, you move me. I feel your spirit fluttering with in me. Im not afraid anymore. Let him bring his attacks, THEY'LL ONLY MAKE ME STRONGER. My Father, my King, praise be to you Most High. Praise your holliness your love and your beauty. It's over. The time of the devil's reign is over. I, the Lord's child, will not live in evil. My God is too great to even be near evil. with you in me Lord, I pray that you speak through me and use those words like raid among roaches. Kill them off with every breath i take sweet Lord, because from now on that breath is going to be for You. Everything for my Maker who loves me, my Potter who molds me and cherishes my heart. My King whom I praise and worship. I love you, Father, my one and only Father. I love you. I pray these things in Jesus Holy name,


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[13 Jun 2003|10:10pm]
crookedteeth 95%
cowboypants 82%
skatrpimp 75%
xpackagepantsx 75%
xiluvmymommyx 69%
mensajero 61%
fairytaleofnew 54%
How compatible with me are YOU?
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